This message received December 24, 2007
Dear family and friends,
We'd planned a Christmas gathering with Danny's friends on Saturday but Danny had a seizure early afternoon, forcing a change of plan. It's perhaps a measure of how far we've come that Danny and Lynn, Katie and I managed the four minute seizure with aplomb. Danny spent the rest of the day in bed with the eyes-open-gazing-at-the-ceiling look that he gets post-seizure. He seemed to be in another place through the evening and had night sweats for the first time in a few months.
He was doing fine by Sunday afternoon when a dozen family members and friends gathered to serenade him. Some played original tunes, with everyone joining in on Christmas classics. We also celebrated his brother Andy's birthday. A sweet, warm gathering.
Earlier in the day, we got word that my dear cousin Kristi had died during the night. She'd waged a long, tough battle against cancer and it was fortunate that three generations of her close and loving family were able to be with her in Florida when she passed peacefully. A fun-loving woman who really appreciated our large extended clan, she was a source of prayers and support to us, visiting Danny once in the hospital.
I like to imagine that after the seizure, while Danny seemed to be off somewhere else, maybe he paid Kristi a visit, told her a little of what he's learned, and provided her some comfort.
Last week, on the therapy table, Danny was asked by Lynn if he had a message for our friend Bhau Kalchuri in India. Danny carefully touched the letters of his alphabet board and spelled out "MEHER SAYS NOTHING IS REAL BUT GOD".
Danny was referencing Meher Baba's words, "Nothing is real but God. Nothing matters but love for God." He did it with such speed and conviction that I envied his certainty. I've read those words hundreds of times but Danny seemed to be taking dictation from the source.
At this time of year, I think of how, beginning in 1997, Danny used to record tapes, and later CDs, which he gave out as Christmas presents to family and friends. There's a song on his Christmas CD from 1998, when he was 13, called "My Heart Goes Out To You" featuring the lyrics:
"I'm in the hospital, underwater, My mind's messed up, but my heart goes out to you"
On his Christmas 2003 CD, eighteen months before the accident, Danny performed his song "Beads On A String", referencing Meher Baba's statement that he had come to draw all the world's religions together "like beads on one string". Danny sang:
"One day I awoke from this dream Only to find the reality By a bash to the head I was deemed To the truth and it's so enlightening I'm alive now, I can breathe now I'm so awake now
"As I walk by the light of the moon My mind drifts away with each step I take I see straight through this illusion Like beads on a string And they all mean the same thing"
When asked about the meaning of these lyrics at the time, Danny shrugged and said he didn't know how they came to him.
With so many memories of joyful Christmases past pouring in, it's comforting to think there's a dimension of Danny's journey that goes far beyond what any neurologist can posit. I wish I could get a clearer glimpse of it, especially when my patience and energy run low. The late great football coach Vince Lombardi said, "Fatigue makes cowards of us all." In my case, fatigue makes me a grumpy old man.
It's just the pre-holiday bustle-- there's certainly nothing to be grumpy about: Danny's continued assurances that he's happy help us remember that this season of wrapping and decorating and frantic searches for a slip in a mall parking lot began with the gift of divine love. Danny seems to know that nothing else is real.
But although Danny may know our abode on this gross plane is illusory, he also understands that it needs to be painted. So last month we presented him with a bunch of paint samples. He picked the brightest blue available and our house got a long-overdue facelift from Radl Painting, run by Steve Radl, the husband of Danny's third-grade teacher. His guys did a great job and became our pals over the course of a month. When they left, they commented on how much love they felt in our home (even the exterior apparently) and how happy they were while working here. Very sweet.
We worried that the color might blind the neighbors but most everyone seems to agree that it makes a happy house look even happier. Good one Danny.
Once again this Christmas, our friends and neighbors are spoiling us with cookies, flowers, wreaths, ornaments, soups, meals and fruit, including a big box of pears that came with a loving but unsigned note-- So please, one and all, know that we're very grateful for the gifts and, especially, for the love and support that each gift signifies.
It sounds sappy sometimes, but it really is extraordinary how so much love flows in and out of this house, taking aback some visitors-- like a woman sent by the Superior Court to inform Danny of his right to contest having Lynn and me as his conservators and guardians. (Imagine, huh?) She arrived very business-like and left on the verge of tears, talking about the palpable love she felt in Danny's room.
Danny also got two personal visits from Santa Claus. Every year the Manhattan Beach Police and Chamber of Commerce put together a Santa float that is driven all over town with Christmas music on loud-speakers, stopping to let kids climb on board and make their Christmas requests of Santa.
Turns out the same Santa has been on board for the past 18 years, so we realized Danny had made several trips to his lap way back when. And now this same Santa paid Danny a visit, along with a very sweet police officer, Tony DiGenova, who told us he's been reading the updates and keeping Danny in his prayers since day one. The visit was arranged by Stefanie Allmon, one of Danny's elementary school classmates who now works at a local bank.
Danny's second visit with Santa was even more emotional for us. This time the man in red made a stop en route to a gathering of at-risk kids in a neighboring city, escorted by the police chief and Christian Eichenlaub and Tony Presgraves, the two police officers who'd been with us that first night at the hospital. These are the officers who were told by the doctors that Danny had no chance of survival. Thankfully, they didn't share that with us until recently. We'll never forget their kindness that night.
With them was Andy Jarrod, the policeman who found Danny at the scene of the accident seconds after it occurred (he providentially happened to be on that street). He and his fellow officers saved Danny's life.
As Lynn and I posed for photos with the officers and Danny, we choked back tears-- It was a moment we could only pray for back in July of 2005.
So we have much for which to be grateful, even as our prayers go out to those who are dealing with critical illnesses: my friend Sohail Afaq's brother, Aqeel, who's fighting cancer; a 16-year-old boy named Zalman Katz, whose congenital heart condition has rendered him comatose for nearly a month; Tony Pedeferri, a California Highway Patrol officer, critically injured in a recent traffic accident; and our great friend, Debra Ashe who was recently diagnosed with throat cancer and will having surgery in a few days. We send prayers and love to all of them. And, of course, to my cousin Kristi, her three daughters, and my cousins and aunt and uncle in Florida.
I remember a story of a rabbi who lived in a plain simple room with nothing but a mat on the floor. A visitor saw his state and said, "Rabbi, why don't you get some furniture, fix the place up?" "Why don't you?" asked the rabbi. "But I'm only a visitor," the man replied, "I'm just passing through." "So am I," said the rabbi.
I'll close by thanking you all and wishing you all a Merry Christmas-- Y'know, I don't get what the problem with saying "Merry Christmas" is for those who don't celebrate the holiday. Whether or not you're a Christian, there's no disputing that December 25th is Christmas, so why not hope for a merry day for one and all? Just as one doesn't have to be Jewish to hope that the world has a happy Hanukkah; nor a Muslim to offer best wishes to the planet for last week's Eid ul-Adha. Where's the harm? So Merry Christmas and here's hoping that 2008 finds us all practicing more and more kindness, tolerance and, my particular peccadillo, patience, as we continue passing through.
Much love, Jeff
Attached are 3 photos:
1) Lynn and I with police officers Tony Presgraves, Christian Eichenlaub and Santa Claus.
2) Our house painters, posing with their Christmas gifts, in front of the bright blue color that Danny picked out.
3) The message that Danny spelled out, written on his board by Lynn.
The other night, Lynn, Katie and I watched the Cary Grant Christmas classic "The Bishop's Wife" again. Here's a piece from the closing sermon, as composed by an angel:
"We celebrate (that first Christmas night) with stars on trees, and with bells, and with gifts, especially with gifts. You give me a book, I give you a tie. Aunt Martha always wanted an orange squeezer and Uncle Henry could do with a new pipe. We forget nobody. All the stockings are filled. All that is, except one. We've even forgotten to hang it up. The stocking for a child born in a manger. It's his birthday we're celebrating. Let us ask ourselves what he would wish for most, and then, let each put in his share. Loving kindness, warm hearts, and a stretched out hand of tolerance. All the shining gifts to make peace on earth." -- (the movie was based on a book by Robert Nathan; screenplay by Leonardo Bercovici, Charles Brackett, Robert Sherwood and, uncredited, Billy Wilder)
p.s. If you're looking for a good year-end charitable giving opportunity, there is a phenomenal program that is in desperate need of help. It's called Transitions, in Antigua, Guatemala, run by two of my personal heroes, John Bell and Alex Galvez. They employ disabled young men who make wheelchairs and prosthetic limbs which are donated to disabled people throughout impoverished regions of Central America. They also arrange medical care in the U.S. for many young Guatemalans and have, on several occasions, visited us in L.A. en route to hospitals and seminars. Danny always loved taking the disabled kids to local amusement parks, and they have been remembering him in their prayers. After years of operating on a shoestring, they've lost some funding sources and could use whatever small contribution anyone can make. As a U.S. Based 501c (3) Foundation, all donations are tax-deductible. You can go online to read about the program at Transitions Foundation
Donations can be made online or can be mailed to: Transitions P.O. Box 669004 Miami Springs, Fl 33266
Dear family and friends,
We'd planned a Christmas gathering with Danny's friends on Saturday but Danny had a seizure early afternoon, forcing a change of plan. It's perhaps a measure of how far we've come that Danny and Lynn, Katie and I managed the four minute seizure with aplomb. Danny spent the rest of the day in bed with the eyes-open-gazing-at-the-ceiling look that he gets post-seizure. He seemed to be in another place through the evening and had night sweats for the first time in a few months.
He was doing fine by Sunday afternoon when a dozen family members and friends gathered to serenade him. Some played original tunes, with everyone joining in on Christmas classics. We also celebrated his brother Andy's birthday. A sweet, warm gathering.
Earlier in the day, we got word that my dear cousin Kristi had died during the night. She'd waged a long, tough battle against cancer and it was fortunate that three generations of her close and loving family were able to be with her in Florida when she passed peacefully. A fun-loving woman who really appreciated our large extended clan, she was a source of prayers and support to us, visiting Danny once in the hospital.
I like to imagine that after the seizure, while Danny seemed to be off somewhere else, maybe he paid Kristi a visit, told her a little of what he's learned, and provided her some comfort.
Last week, on the therapy table, Danny was asked by Lynn if he had a message for our friend Bhau Kalchuri in India. Danny carefully touched the letters of his alphabet board and spelled out "MEHER SAYS NOTHING IS REAL BUT GOD".
Danny was referencing Meher Baba's words, "Nothing is real but God. Nothing matters but love for God." He did it with such speed and conviction that I envied his certainty. I've read those words hundreds of times but Danny seemed to be taking dictation from the source.
At this time of year, I think of how, beginning in 1997, Danny used to record tapes, and later CDs, which he gave out as Christmas presents to family and friends. There's a song on his Christmas CD from 1998, when he was 13, called "My Heart Goes Out To You" featuring the lyrics:
"I'm in the hospital, underwater, My mind's messed up, but my heart goes out to you"
On his Christmas 2003 CD, eighteen months before the accident, Danny performed his song "Beads On A String", referencing Meher Baba's statement that he had come to draw all the world's religions together "like beads on one string". Danny sang:
"One day I awoke from this dream Only to find the reality By a bash to the head I was deemed To the truth and it's so enlightening I'm alive now, I can breathe now I'm so awake now
"As I walk by the light of the moon My mind drifts away with each step I take I see straight through this illusion Like beads on a string And they all mean the same thing"
When asked about the meaning of these lyrics at the time, Danny shrugged and said he didn't know how they came to him.
With so many memories of joyful Christmases past pouring in, it's comforting to think there's a dimension of Danny's journey that goes far beyond what any neurologist can posit. I wish I could get a clearer glimpse of it, especially when my patience and energy run low. The late great football coach Vince Lombardi said, "Fatigue makes cowards of us all." In my case, fatigue makes me a grumpy old man.
It's just the pre-holiday bustle-- there's certainly nothing to be grumpy about: Danny's continued assurances that he's happy help us remember that this season of wrapping and decorating and frantic searches for a slip in a mall parking lot began with the gift of divine love. Danny seems to know that nothing else is real.
But although Danny may know our abode on this gross plane is illusory, he also understands that it needs to be painted. So last month we presented him with a bunch of paint samples. He picked the brightest blue available and our house got a long-overdue facelift from Radl Painting, run by Steve Radl, the husband of Danny's third-grade teacher. His guys did a great job and became our pals over the course of a month. When they left, they commented on how much love they felt in our home (even the exterior apparently) and how happy they were while working here. Very sweet.
We worried that the color might blind the neighbors but most everyone seems to agree that it makes a happy house look even happier. Good one Danny.
Once again this Christmas, our friends and neighbors are spoiling us with cookies, flowers, wreaths, ornaments, soups, meals and fruit, including a big box of pears that came with a loving but unsigned note-- So please, one and all, know that we're very grateful for the gifts and, especially, for the love and support that each gift signifies.
It sounds sappy sometimes, but it really is extraordinary how so much love flows in and out of this house, taking aback some visitors-- like a woman sent by the Superior Court to inform Danny of his right to contest having Lynn and me as his conservators and guardians. (Imagine, huh?) She arrived very business-like and left on the verge of tears, talking about the palpable love she felt in Danny's room.
Danny also got two personal visits from Santa Claus. Every year the Manhattan Beach Police and Chamber of Commerce put together a Santa float that is driven all over town with Christmas music on loud-speakers, stopping to let kids climb on board and make their Christmas requests of Santa.
Turns out the same Santa has been on board for the past 18 years, so we realized Danny had made several trips to his lap way back when. And now this same Santa paid Danny a visit, along with a very sweet police officer, Tony DiGenova, who told us he's been reading the updates and keeping Danny in his prayers since day one. The visit was arranged by Stefanie Allmon, one of Danny's elementary school classmates who now works at a local bank.
Danny's second visit with Santa was even more emotional for us. This time the man in red made a stop en route to a gathering of at-risk kids in a neighboring city, escorted by the police chief and Christian Eichenlaub and Tony Presgraves, the two police officers who'd been with us that first night at the hospital. These are the officers who were told by the doctors that Danny had no chance of survival. Thankfully, they didn't share that with us until recently. We'll never forget their kindness that night.
With them was Andy Jarrod, the policeman who found Danny at the scene of the accident seconds after it occurred (he providentially happened to be on that street). He and his fellow officers saved Danny's life.
As Lynn and I posed for photos with the officers and Danny, we choked back tears-- It was a moment we could only pray for back in July of 2005.
So we have much for which to be grateful, even as our prayers go out to those who are dealing with critical illnesses: my friend Sohail Afaq's brother, Aqeel, who's fighting cancer; a 16-year-old boy named Zalman Katz, whose congenital heart condition has rendered him comatose for nearly a month; Tony Pedeferri, a California Highway Patrol officer, critically injured in a recent traffic accident; and our great friend, Debra Ashe who was recently diagnosed with throat cancer and will having surgery in a few days. We send prayers and love to all of them. And, of course, to my cousin Kristi, her three daughters, and my cousins and aunt and uncle in Florida.
I remember a story of a rabbi who lived in a plain simple room with nothing but a mat on the floor. A visitor saw his state and said, "Rabbi, why don't you get some furniture, fix the place up?" "Why don't you?" asked the rabbi. "But I'm only a visitor," the man replied, "I'm just passing through." "So am I," said the rabbi.
I'll close by thanking you all and wishing you all a Merry Christmas-- Y'know, I don't get what the problem with saying "Merry Christmas" is for those who don't celebrate the holiday. Whether or not you're a Christian, there's no disputing that December 25th is Christmas, so why not hope for a merry day for one and all? Just as one doesn't have to be Jewish to hope that the world has a happy Hanukkah; nor a Muslim to offer best wishes to the planet for last week's Eid ul-Adha. Where's the harm? So Merry Christmas and here's hoping that 2008 finds us all practicing more and more kindness, tolerance and, my particular peccadillo, patience, as we continue passing through.
Much love, Jeff
Attached are 3 photos:
1) Lynn and I with police officers Tony Presgraves, Christian Eichenlaub and Santa Claus.
2) Our house painters, posing with their Christmas gifts, in front of the bright blue color that Danny picked out.
3) The message that Danny spelled out, written on his board by Lynn.
The other night, Lynn, Katie and I watched the Cary Grant Christmas classic "The Bishop's Wife" again. Here's a piece from the closing sermon, as composed by an angel:
"We celebrate (that first Christmas night) with stars on trees, and with bells, and with gifts, especially with gifts. You give me a book, I give you a tie. Aunt Martha always wanted an orange squeezer and Uncle Henry could do with a new pipe. We forget nobody. All the stockings are filled. All that is, except one. We've even forgotten to hang it up. The stocking for a child born in a manger. It's his birthday we're celebrating. Let us ask ourselves what he would wish for most, and then, let each put in his share. Loving kindness, warm hearts, and a stretched out hand of tolerance. All the shining gifts to make peace on earth." -- (the movie was based on a book by Robert Nathan; screenplay by Leonardo Bercovici, Charles Brackett, Robert Sherwood and, uncredited, Billy Wilder)
p.s. If you're looking for a good year-end charitable giving opportunity, there is a phenomenal program that is in desperate need of help. It's called Transitions, in Antigua, Guatemala, run by two of my personal heroes, John Bell and Alex Galvez. They employ disabled young men who make wheelchairs and prosthetic limbs which are donated to disabled people throughout impoverished regions of Central America. They also arrange medical care in the U.S. for many young Guatemalans and have, on several occasions, visited us in L.A. en route to hospitals and seminars. Danny always loved taking the disabled kids to local amusement parks, and they have been remembering him in their prayers. After years of operating on a shoestring, they've lost some funding sources and could use whatever small contribution anyone can make. As a U.S. Based 501c (3) Foundation, all donations are tax-deductible. You can go online to read about the program at Transitions Foundation
Donations can be made online or can be mailed to: Transitions P.O. Box 669004 Miami Springs, Fl 33266
